It doesn't get any easier

The past week have been crazy.

From Friday I've been on overdrive trying to meet the client's demand and just at about the same time some other things just have to appear at or around this time as well.

Aiyoh!!

Can't my nephew have his birthday sometime next week? Can't the freakin PC didn't blow on Sunday? Can't the ever dependable Digital Camera went poof at some other time? and for goodness sake can't a stripper just appear in my room while I'm working?

aih..

5 days of non-stop work and irregular sleep leave me sick. I got flu, and a serious bout of sneezing and there I was laying splat on the floor last night till this morning. I'm suppose to be at the office last night but I just can't drive and my eyesight really is blurry and I somewhat lost my balance. Called a friend to get a miracle flu pills but just can't drive to take it. I was just really really sick. This morning is not really better either.

As sick and tired as I might have been the one that still make me feel really bad was sacking an employee. Yeap! I terminate one of my staff yesterday. In the midst of all this crazyness I just have to do it then.

In my short career I've babysit quite a few companies and shut down a few operations too. With that come this unwanted job of terminating people. I've terminate quite a few over the last few years. From clerical to despatch, from blue collar workmen to white collar manager. I somewhat expect that it will get easier over time but I can tell you this, it doesn't.

Terminate, sack, fire, retrench, is more than just stopping the guy from working at your place the next day, it is practically stopping their source of income. Stopping the flow of money to their household and giving undue concern to their dependents. Let alone the ones who got the sack.

With that in mind I have always find it awfully hard to do this and before I actually do it I would always look at other alternatives and any other way for this to be avoided. Failing which I have no choice but to do it. Which then comes the real hard part.

I always feel that these people at least deserve an explanation and respect as such I have always been the one who do it. Not my manager, their supervisor nor anybody else. And what other way is better to get thing sorted out other than a one on one meeting? Which sadly is the worst way to go for a person like me.

These meeting can get emotional, highly charged and sometimes a tear fest. Each one handles it differently I guess which is why when it come to such a meeting I will at least make the next 3 hrs free. Much it is for the possibility of it going to be dragged on and on, as much as it is also for me to recover myself afterwards.

At the end, watching the door closed as the staff leave the room, it doesn't get any better either. There is no feeling of relief that it is over. The waiting and dread involved in getting the meeting started is one thing.Having the heart to actually say the word "terminate" to the staff is another. The pleading, debates, or even teary Q&A sessions that comes after that is draining and as I watch the door close I can't help but feel sad for that fella.

Even after all this time, it doesn't get any easier

*sigh